Anarchy Parlor



Rotten Tomatoes Audience - Spilled 38%
IMDb Rating 4.7 10 1659


Uploaded By: FREEMAN
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August 05, 2016 at 01:24 AM

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23.976 fps
1hr 38 min
P/S 3 / 12

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by marcwiechmann 6 / 10

Tattoos, Tits and Gore - what is not to love about it?

So, what do we have here with that movie "Parlor", or, as I found it in some places, "Anarchy Parlor".

The movie starts off in Lithuania, where the movie was shot entirely. A bunch of U.S. students makes a joyride to hang out, party and have the occasional sex with friends and local chicks. So, first of all - a lot of nudity is included, many hot ladies and their goods show up on the screen - for me personally surely a huge plus. Especially gorgeous Beth Humphreys is a win win !

So far, this pretty much is analogue to "Hostel" - and I have to admit, I am a bit tired of eastern European countries painted as "backwood countries", where only uneducated, cold hearted people live. I am married to a Croatian girl, and the people there and in the near countries are friendly, polite and very nice :-) But well, I see what they tried to do - foreign, dangerous surroundings, no one will help you. Okay then.

The story is about a tattoo shop named "Parlor", and some sinister happenings around the shop and it's owner. Here comes the one and only Robert LaSardo - for than time for him to get a lead role, since basically everyone (!) has seen him in at least a bunch of movies, usually as the gang member, criminal, or something this way.

Also, a huuuuuuge eye candy factor is well known tattoo model (and from time to time "actress" Sara Fabel - I love tattooed girls, and I have for some unknown reason a faible for angry girls...? So, on top she has a smoking hot body, so she was, in my eyes, another big plus for this movie, despite her acting skills being average - in the best case. Basically she is not good, but being hot and angry is enough for me to have no further complaints about her :-D

There is some pretty rough gore - I would not consider "Parlor" as torture porn or even a "hard" movie. In my opinion, as someone who has - literally - seen thousands of horror movies, some tough scenes do not make the complete movie a "hard movie", but well, some scenes are not for people with sensitive stomachs. Tattoos, some torture, some Hostel parallels - I guess you can figure out where that goes.

The acting, in general, is pretty average, even from beloved Robert LaSardo - he is a unique type of guy, not a good actor. I like to compare that to Zombieboy, same here (but he is not in this movie - he probably should have been though !). But, we are watching a low budget horror movie here - I don't expect Oscar worthy acting, so that's okay.

The effects were well done in most scenes. Without wanting to spoil you I can say, that there is at least one scene including a gun, where the effects were clearly made in Adobe After Effects, and not by a professional, so that looked ugly. All other scenes were okay.

Did I mention that there is a LOT of nudity? In clubs, strip bars, hotel bedrooms and so on.

I did not like the ending a lot, to be honest, but again I am used to this from many, many other movies. At least it does not let open any questions or something, and yes, of course the end offers room for a possible sequel - which I would watch, definitely.

In summary "Parlor" is a well executed horror movie with an awesome cast in terms of tattoo fans (LaSardo and Fabel are icons in this scene, to which I do belong) and in terms of hot girls going naked. Average acting, a plot that offers nothing new, a forgettable soundtrack and some mean gore scenes make it a 6 point movie, which probably is rated a bit too high for this movie in general - but I give it, because it fitted my expectations - no, it was better even than I expected.

To make it as short as possible thus closing the circle to the title of my review: for a horror fan, what is not to love about a movie with tattoos, gore and tits? :-)

Fully recommended !

Reviewed by thesar-2 4 / 10

I Saw Little Anarchy at This Hostel

Wow, you're late. Well, I am too, being that this came out over a year ago, but they were super late to the Hostel/Saw torture porn already- faded fad.

There are two things that work in this movie. (Three, if you're a heterosexual male or lesbian: tons of titties!) One: the actual, and minute, torture scenes were quite effective. Definitely had to look away for a few moments; they was pretty intense. And two: Robert LaSardo formally known as The Artist…in this crapfest.

He acted, spoke and stole scenes better than four times the ability of anyone else, with the exception of his protégé – she was pretty decent, so she gets a two times less than LaSardo. If not for all the other garbage in this "thriller," I would actually highly recommend the movie for him alone.

When the movie opens, we're introduced to both insanely terrible dialogue – so bad, I thought this movie was dubbed and tried to follow their mouths when they spoke to see if it was; incredibly, this was actually from the script – and sort of a group of Americans in what appears to be maybe Europe. The movie opens so vaguely that when the actual plot kicks in, or even more than half the movie was over, it was hard to attach ourselves to any main character or care if any of them lived or died.

The gist of it is: one of the travelling friends and his could-be-love- interest hook up with a girl with danger written all over her…literally. She takes them to The Artist and his tattoo parlor and after the few good scenes in the movie, the nightmare begins for those two "customers."

The rest of this crud involves nobody friends of the two initial victims trying to find them and fake arguing to what they should do.

I guess you could call it a nostalgia flick for the torture porn movies of days long since passed, but it seemed more of a "Wait? Those days are over?" surprise from the two writers/directors of this.

Just watch Robert LaSardo's other works. Trust me: it won't be hard to find something else he's been in.


Final thoughts: Like most movie-goers, my friend saw the trailer first and was interested. Personally, I despise trailers as they give away too much, or even a little that I would rather be surprised about in the movie. I did watch this trailer…afterwards and I can say I'm glad I didn't see it before. It showed a ton of scenes I had no idea were coming. Granted, it didn't give away everything – there was one poor twist in the ending it avoided, but it certainly would've ruined a ton for me.

Luckily, I do have friends like mine who will watch trailers for me and tell me if I'd be interested. THAT…I can get behind. Spoiling trailers, not so much.

Reviewed by michael-3204 2 / 10

At least there's Robert LaSardo

Grim, amateurish little torture porn bauble set in a Vilnius tattoo parlor, only slightly elevated by a menacing performance from Robert LaSardo as "The Artist." He's the only thing worth watching here, despite the lovely location, which this film wastes. The other performances are so appalling and the dialogue so unimaginative that it's hard to tell how much of it was improvised -- on one hand, I can't imagine anyone writing this garbage out and thinking, "Yeah, that sounds right;" on the other, all the characters (The Artist excepted) sound exactly alike, even with multiple accents, each as aggressively unlikable and inarticulate as the next. A film called "Anarchy Parlor" might reasonably be expected to deliver some inkling of wild imagination, some hint that the filmmakers understand transgression. This predictable, mundane mess fails to deliver.

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