Paul W. S. Anderson, the man who has directed previous travesties as
"Mortal Kombat" and "Resident Evil" doesn't fail to live up to his
standards which consist of a horrible script, cheesy "2 kewl 4 skool"
directing styles, weak cast, and every other weakness in a film you can
think of. The only person who rivals his ineptness is none other than
Uwe Boll. He has already ruined other franchises with his previous
films, and now by directing and writing Alien vs. Predator, he has
managed to ruin two movie series at the same time.
The story of this film is bay far the weakest aspect of this derision
of a movie. All the previous Alien/Predator films had simple plots with
good dialogue. Just simply there was a monster trying to kill the good
guys, and they had to survive it. The stories were so uncomplicated yet
incredibly well written that the viewer could not possibly complain
that the story was bad. Alien vs. Predator however attempts to be a
big, complex story with deep meaning to it, but it just comes off as
being stupid and try hard. Paul, a complex story is good, only if you
know how to write that is.
It's about a pyramid that is discovered on Earth in Antarctica. It
turns out that this pyramid was part of the first human civilisation
ever, that the Predators built it for the humans long ago, and in
return, the humans worshiped the Predators as gods and acted as hosts
for the captive alien Queens eggs that are in the pyramid, to make
Aliens for the predators to hunt, not for sport like in the previous
Predator films, but to prove that they are men. When modern day people
go to investigate this pyramid, they become the new hosts for the
Aliens that they Predators are going to hunt.
Not only is this completely unbelievable, (a pyramid in Antarctica?
Come on) but it totally contradicts the previous Alien and Predator
movies. In each Alien movie the point of the film was, "Don't let the
Aliens get to Earth or they will kill everything!" Yet in this movie it
was like, "Oh the Aliens have been on Earth the entire time and it
wasn't really that bad now that we think about it." The previous
Predator films are contradicted as well because the Predators are
portrayed as creatures who are noble warriors, who actually respect
humans and will help them if need be, rather than the ruthless
merciless hunters who killed for sport and would kill a human just out
of spite if he looked at him funny. Having Predators help humans build
societies contradicts their nature, and takes away the mysteriousness
and awesomeness of the Predator character.
But the thing is even as a stand alone film it's a very weak story. It
can be compared to the later Jaws movies where you saw too much of the
shark. Both extraterrestrial species are too in your face and have no
mystery; leaving them just look like guys in rubber suits running
around punching each other. Human characters have so little character
development that often you don't even get to learn their names before
they are killed, and so much more makes you feel like the script was
made from a tipped over box of alphabet cereal.
Here's a perfect example of how bad the dialogue is in AVP.
FemaleTechnician: What is it?
Male Technician: It's a data stream from PS12.
Female Technician: Where is she?
Male Technician: Right above sector 14.
Female Technician: There isn't anything in sector 14.
Male Technician: The is now.
It is obvious in that piece of dialogue that Paul W. S. Anderson
doesn't know anything about mapping or geography. Look moron, there is
no such thing as this elusive "sector 14", things are mapped using
latitude and longitude, bearings and such. Secondly for this Female
Technician to have said on the spot, "There's nothing in sector 14"
implies that she has memorised the presumably thousands of sectors all
over the world and what is in each and every one of them so she can
recall instantly off the top of her head that the isn't anything in
sector 14. This is just one example of how cheesy and full of holes the
very dialogue in Alien vs. Predator can be.
It is clear that a movie this bad was made only for the action, not the
story. The thing is, in this whole move THERE ARE ONLY TWO FIGHT
SCENES! If you are going to make a movie that has no good script which
is only about the action, put in a decent amount of fighting at least!
AND THE PG-13 RATING?! Every other Alien/Predator film released before
this one had and R rating. This film has been dumbed down for kids so
much, that about 95% of the movies deaths or other injuries were off
screen. You would see an Alien just getting near a guy before the
camera would cut away, leaving you thinking, "So not only do we have no
story but we have no gore?! I want my money back!" The line "You are
one ugly mother fer" which is the trademark line of each other
Predator film had the last word of it not filmed to keep the low
rating! Yet earlier in the film they said, "I hope it kills every fing
one of them!". Why did they decide to put the F word in earlier when it
wasn't necessary, yet cut it out later when it was?! If they had of
just shifted the F word to the ugly mother part then there could have
been just as many F words yet still kept the trademark line!
It's a POS movie. The 1000 word limit has stopped me from going on.