Spoiler Alert: The Prince finds the glass slipper and puts it on the
foot of an incompetent, cry-baby, stick of a woman. They live together
happily ever after. Roll Credits. The End.
Well, I can honestly say that the new Cinderella movie wasn't as bad as
I initially thought. No. It was far FAR worse. And it's still bloody
successful!? Why!? There's nothing hear that makes it stand out from
the crowd. There isn't any spin on the story, or even anything remotely
original in it's body other than a clichéd dead parent plot-point and a
cheap attempt at a moral.
But I stayed optimistic. Maybe the film was gonna put a new spin on the
story. Maybe that troll-looking girl named Lily James would at least
put a good enough performance. Maybe the songs will be nice enough to
listen to on a soundtrack like with Frozen. Maybe the set and costumes
would be at least nice to look at. I tried and tried to find a silver
And I couldn't.
Yes, this live-action revision is nothing but a copy-paste of the 1950s
Classic. There is virtually no vision in this revision. Nothing
original in it's body or even anything NEW done with it like in Run All
Night or in Maleficent. From the choice of the lead actress, the
nauseating design of it's set and costume, and fairly weak moral make
this film one similar to one of those death traps in the SAW movies. I
just felt sick through and through, praying the film to just take a
left turn and do something, ANYTHING remotely different. I never felt
more deprived of intelligence, sanity, everything!
Now, what kick started this hateful broil deep inside was the
introduction, showing us Cinderella- oh sorry, "Ella", ugh-and her
oh-so perfect life with her oh-so perfect mother and her oh-so perfect
advice. Her advise is simple; "Have Courage and Be Kind", a moral that
will be Cinderella's creed until the day she dies.
And this moral is why I despise the film as much as I do.
Throughout the film, well the OTHER film since the two are more or less
the same, Cindere....sorry, "Ella". Ugh...was forced to stay on the
ground and take each hit like a boxing training dummy, unable to show
any kind of anger or resentment. Sleeping near a fireplace, in the cold
attic, having her mum's dress torn off, NONE of this gets her showing a
little bit of anger. You know, the most normal reaction to copious
amounts of stress and building rage? Nah, just "Have Courage and Be
Kind", which apparently means "Take the Hit and be a Bloody Doormat you
Worthless Waste of a Uterus".
Only when the CGI portions begin with the Fairy Godmother building the
carriage from a pumpkin, only THEN do we see the story finally take
place that brings bland Ella-got it right finally-to Prince Kit, who's
just as bland and void of character as his animated counterpart and the
perfect match for our ugly looking leading lady.(though, Word of God
says that giving him a name makes him oh-so much more interesting).
Then, you know the rest, only filler has been put in that cranks the
annoying step-sisters Up to Eleven actually divides up the sections
that would otherwise be void and empty. Cinderella goes home, and is
forcibly locked up by the Eeeeeeeeeeeeevil Step-Mother, who now is
given a reveal of her wickedness. It turns out, being widowed made her
eeeeeeevil. And thinking more about finance and power is just but a sad
way for her to fill up that little hole in her heart where only a good
man could fill. The movie assumes that she and the step-sisters(who
here come off more as annoying rather than wicked) along with the Grand
Duke are banished. Never to be heard of again.
Yup, the film doesn't give them any kind of redemption. Just throw away
the tomboys and the Amazon-Chaser and the whole kingdom is good
forevermore. Tomboys are ALL evil or ugly girls! That's the real moral
of the story! If you don't like someone,wait until you get a rich and
powerful husband who can just kick those pesky and disgusting people
Yeah, the film personally paints women who are tomboys or at the very
least tomboyish in design the same way that Abraham Lincoln: Vampire
Hunter paints the Confederates as blood-sucking monsters. And it's
weird that the film, in which preaches the idea of of "Being Kind" has
them given a horrible possible sentence imaginable. But it's OK, they
were mean, ugly tomboys, so they deserve it.
But at this point, who bloody cares. The film already made $500 Million
and giving a message of some kind of crusade urging women to be bloody
doormats and punish those who so much has a little less curves in their
hips or a mouth on their breast at age 14.
And why should you? This isn't made for me, a guy who was spoilt by
Galavant and Game of Thrones, believing that film and TV can have
actual narrative that feels engaging and thought provoking as well as
entertaining and profitable. It's for little girls, so who cares how it
is? Girls will watch anything with a pretty princess,so who cares?"
Yeah, well girls deserve far better than this. Just because girls are
easily as entertained as boys doesn't mean their just as stupid. Making
film for a certain demographic isn't exactly a way to go, it just
limits one to a certain group rather than the whole pie. It's better to
try and fail then never to try at all. Besides, if girls are dumb
enough to live by this standard given to us in the film, will they care
for anything else?
Final Result: 1 Half Star- E-Ranking