So in Contract to Kill Stephen Seagal travels to Turkey to take on some
terrorist drug dealers, which I thought was interesting as I can't
remember when the last time Istanbul was in the movie as the center for
espionage and trafficking (No Wait it was Taken 2), but as it turns
out, the Mexicans are still the drug traffickers and the Arabs are
still the terrorist. Oh well, so much for something different. At least
it's a different setting I guess.
Seagal plays...I don't know the character's name and let's be honest,
it doesn't really matter, cause I can't remember the last time he did
not play a retired CIA agent living in(Insert any foreign country) who
was brought back into the game because his fat tired ass is somehow
that good at stopping the crappy enemy he's going after.
I should have known where the movie was going, as Seagal's introduction
included Steven spending 20 mins being interviewed by a CIA agent who's
trying to convince Steven (And the rest of us) that only the big man
with the keg can save the world or something. Then as an extra added
bonus Steven sees two gringos who can't keep their hands off some
waitress and goes over and some how beats them both while sitting on
his ass, then he turns around and puts his hands all over the waitress
who could be his granddaughter.
Seagal puts together a team that features dude from Vanishing Son,
Russel Wong, who looks like he could have been more impressive in this
film if he did not have to tone it down to make Seagal look better.
The third man on the team is some eye candy whose role as a covert
black bag agent makes no sense instead for being eye candy. Seagal
treats her like she's been in the game as long as him but she doesn't
even look like she's past 30. Her one purpose is to make old fat Seagal
look like he's still got it. There's one part where Seagal has a small
love scene with this chick. Normally I'm a fan of needless nudity from
hot girls, but it just puts more focus on the fact that Seagal is just
an old man who wants the world to believe that he can still get the
girl. Not only that but this "experience capable agent" gets kidnapped,
so that Seagal can rescue her.
Some Seagal style action, but not much with Seagal repeating the same
moves over and over and using multi angles and fast cuts to try to make
it more exciting. It's starting to get lame now that it's 30 or so
years in the action movie biz. Seagal has never come up to an opponent
as skilled as him in Aikido to at least be able to make him stumble.
Not bleed or fall down just push him Back a little, that's all. Yes,
Seagal is a very big menacing dude, he still is, but come on.
This may not have been such a problem, but for the most part, fat
Seagal spends a lot of time sitting down in the movie. I mean literally
sitting in a car, sitting at a desk, and sitting while doing some of
the fight scenes. It tells me something about how lazy the filmmakers
are putting this together.
Man, there was so much talking, and it was all though guy talk, too. By
the good guys, by the bad guys. I think Seagal, I think action and in
an action film tough guy talk should be minimal to one liners, not
these over glorified speeches about how awesome they are. I'll give
credit that one speech that Seagal himself had with one of the bad guys
that was pretty good, but it was only one in a sea of really really bad
ones, so it did nothing to make the film better.
Half way through you realize it's an espionage movie. Not really
Seagal's cup of tea and not what I came to the movies to watch him do,
and unfortunately for Seagal, he did nothing to change my mind.
Overall Contract to Kill feels like it's screaming Steven should
retire. I don't think any one loves Seagal so much, you are cool
wasting 90 mins watching him sit and talk with the enemy than go for
it. They're better Fat Seagal action movies than this one. Find that
one over Contract to Kill.