The Asylum and SyFy Channel's demented genius strikes again with "Mega
Python vs. Gatoroid," the latest in their series of Z-grade monster
movies with "Mega" in the title. This one came along with a bit more
hype than usual for a SyFy movie, and with good reason, as it pairs up
former '80s teen queens Debbie (now Deborah) Gibson and Tiffany, both
of whom have both starred in prior Asylum monster mashes ("Mega Shark
Vs. Giant Octopus" for Deb and "Mega Piranha" for Tiff) but are now
sharing the screen for the first time... along with an assortment of
badly CGI'd monsters, of course. "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" doesn't
even pretend to be a "good" movie. It's schlock, it's an action comedy,
it's, it's...oh, hell, you just have to see it to believe it.
The wafer-thin plot is basically thrown in there to get things moving:
Debbie is an animal-rights activist who begins the movie by freeing a
number of pythons from a testing lab, and unwisely sets them free in
the swamps of the Florida Everglades. Eventually said pythons, being
non-native species, grow to immense size (though they'll get a whole
lot "immense-er" as the film goes on) and have begun decimating the
local alligator (and human) population. Tiffany is a park ranger who
loses her fiancée' to one of the hungry serpents, and in a grief
stricken rage she gets the bright idea to pump the local gators up with
steroids so they'll be big enough to combat the python problem. Of
course, things go horribly wrong, and soon there are gigantic snakes
and alligators the size of 747's rampaging their way out of the swamps
and headed for Miami. Tiff and Deb, after an absolutely epic cat fight
scene at a swanky party that is totally worth the 20+ year wait,
finally have to put their differences aside and work together to stop
the scaly threat (with some help from "L.A. Law" alum A Martinez as a
reptile expert who's good with a shotgun and can fly an airplane).
As usual for an Asylum film, the special effects are absolutely
craptacular (their CGI actually appear to be getting WORSE from film to
film, as if they're not even trying to be realistic anymore) and the
two leading ladies thankfully don't try to act like this is a serious,
Shakespearean production, they just go with the campiness and chew the
scenery for all it's worth. Director Mary Lambert (of "Pet Sematery"
fame!) keeps the film going at a breakneck pace, so the viewer never
has time to get bored or think about how over-the-top ridiculous the
whole thing is. At the end, you feel like you've just gotten off a
particularly rickety carnival ride.
As Asylum films go, "Mega Piranha" may still be my favorite, but I'd
say "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" has clawed its way to #2 on the list...
mainly because of the aforementioned cat fight scene between Tiff and
Debbie. Those of us who crushed on both gals during their '80s heyday
have been waiting for 20+ years to see'em face off, and that scene was
worth the price of admission all by itself! Lovers of "serious" sci-fi
films can safely skip 'Mega Python vs. Gatoroid,' but fans of fast,
funny, Z-grade films (i.e. people like me) will definitely get a kick
out of it. Will Debbie and Tiffany continue their association with The
Asylum now that they've completed their masterpiece? We can only hope.