STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

For decades, rivalries between the criminal gangs from the North and South of England have been kept under wraps by means of open talks and civility. But crazed Londoner Gary (Brad Moore) has just killed Northerner Alf (Steve Evets) over a disagreement over a drug deal, which tears the whole truce apart. Meanwhile, young pretender Terry (Elliott Tittensor) has fallen in love with Willow (Charlotte Hope), the daughter of London crime lord Vic (Steven Berkoff), which further inflames matters. With Gary running around trying play both sides off against each other for his own personal gain, it sets the ball in motion for a devastating and bloody turf war.

This latest addition in what is hardly an unfamiliar plethora of cheap and easy British gangster flicks was lucky enough to enjoy a little run at the cinema, but that's probably the only thing that serves as a distinction between it and the countless other films of its type out there. There's a pretty even split between those set in the North and South, and so its an interesting idea to pitch what would happen if the two were to collide, but sadly this formulaic, by the numbers effort, with ideas above its station, doesn't make the most of it.

A host of familiar faces to the genre are splashed on display, with veteran Berkoff as the Southern boss doing his usual over emotive, raging villain act, while other established performers such as Tom Bell and even Keith Allen also make their presence felt. But the script sadly cannot match their veracity, coming off very Goodfellas lite, with young star/narrator Tittensor providing voice overs explaining how things are working and what his role in it all is. Too many characters and plot lines are thrown in all at once, and they all prove too inconsistent to care about.

The obviously low budget would be easier to overlook if all the other faults weren't so apparent, but as it is, it's cheap and cheerless. *

If anyone is considering going to see British gangster flick 'North v South' in the hope that Elliott Tittensor will do a nude scene like he used to back in the good old 'Shameless' days, let me save you some money: he doesn't (although there are a couple of compensatory shirtless scenes). Having cleared that up, is the film worth seeing anyway? Well, fans of the genre will probably like it: it has lots of guns, oodles of mindless violence, a dangerous woman, a transsexual assassin, copious amounts of swearing and people who have been shot or burned with a flame-thrower recovering for a final bit of gunplay. To be fair, though, there are a couple of surprises: a little girl as a trainee assassin, and not one single scene set in a sleazy strip club.

Attempts by southern gangsters (led by Steven Berkoff and Keith Allen) and their northern rivals (Bernard Hill and Oliver Cotton) to reach a truce are derailed when a southern lieutenant slits the throat of Hill's best friend. The predictable gang war ensues, complicated by a Romeo and Juliet-style problem: northern lieutenant Terry (Tittensor) and Berkoff's insipid daughter Willow (Charlotte Hope) are secretly in love.

Berkoff is in full psycho scenery-chewing mode, while Hill delivers a more measured performance as far as the script allows. Tittensor doesn't do badly, but Hope is less impressive - although, given she has to burble lines like "Terry was my god" and "I'm nothing without you" that's hardly surprising. 'Doctor Who' fans will not be disappointed by Freema Agyeman as the tough-but-sexy female gangster.

Can't believe I've just wasted 1hr 36mins of my life watching this! No real/credible plot, awful acting... Never really liked Steven Berkoff and now I know why! Best thing about the film is the lovely Freema Agyeman IMO.

The plot is based on two lovers from opposing sides wanting to escape the world they live in... However, you'd never have guessed if you hadn't read the plot summary!

Don't waste your time on this and wondering... "Surley it can't be that bad".... Well yes ladies and gentlemen "It is" and if I could score this as a minus I would!