I have noticed that I have watched a lot of great movies. Road to
Perdition, Blade Runner, Memento, 21 Jump Street, City Lights. The list
goes on. I can watch a few mediocre movies here and there. But I don't
think I ever saw a truly bad movie. So I decided to watch a bad movie.
And this was the one to begin with.
Now, keep in mind, I am 16 years old, so I barely watched any teen
films, because I'm not into the whole stuff teens are into these days
(call me a hipster, if you will). So really this was my first teen
And it sucked.
And why? First, the setup. It's not established. If you go back at
films like the Shining, the first act devotes it's time to setup the
characters and the events to come. Ouija's setup is 7 minutes long
(sorry if I haven't got that right) and ends once the title shows up.
That's it. You don't give a damn about the girl going through her loss
because you know nothing about her. But you give a damn about the
Torrences alone in the hotel because you know everything you need to
know about them. That is why The Shining worked. Ouija doesn't do that.
It's very cold and emotionless. When people say that Christopher
Nolan's films are cold and emotionless (and even then, his films have
SOME emotional impact. Just look at Inception and Interstellar), this
film is the response to prove them wrong. It's entirely robotic and
Second, the direction. There are a lot of dumb decisions. the film
looks like the filmmakers used the first take of every shot, rendering
bad performances on it's cast. The film doesn't even look creepy in my
opinion, it looks boring. There's little light and what lights are
used, they're not used in great effect like in Jacob's Ladder or films
by the Coen Brothers. It wants to look creepy, but like car crash lady,
there is no internal scares. I thought Charlie Kelly directed this
movie due to his opinion on Poltergeist, but it made me really wish
that Stiles White's anti-masterpiece really was a horrible amateur film
made by the Gang.
Third, the acting. Like I said. It's monotonous and dull. You know your
friend who wants to impress you and does everything in his/her power to
do that and fail miserably? Imagine a cast doing the same thing. Heck,
the extras have more convincing performances compared to the main cast.
What kind of directions did the actors take? "Slower" and "more
Fourth and final, the plot. It's just a by-the-numbers teen horror film
but with Ouija boards (Now might be the time to mention that I know
nothing about them and never played with them). It's about as lazy and
clichéd as you can imagine. Jumpscares and ghosts and Apple Products
galore! And the end, I'm not going to spoil it for you, but it's very
Overall, It's a boring, lifeless, unnecessarily slow and a sorry excuse
of a horror movie. It makes watching paint dry look entertaining. There
is nothing worth redeeming.
If you want to watch a good horror film, avoid this bore fest and go
watch The Shining instead. Now that's a true horror movie.