OK, my experience in seeing this movie was particularly excruciating
because I was stuck in a theatre of people who kept either groaning,
cooing, or yelling advice to the characters on screen at the top of
their lungs. But even with that aside, what few other people will be
likely to say still deserves to be said: this movie sucked big hairy
werewolf balls. Unfortunately, trying to explain why would take up a
lot more words than I've managed to cram in, so I can only focus on the
main issues. For starters, Bella has become increasingly unlikeable
since we saw her last, and as she's the central protagonist around whom
all the ensuing events revolve, that's going to be a problem.
Originally a great character in the first two films, her appeal here
takes such a massive nosedive that, no joke, it actually becomes hard
to fathom why exactly everybody around her is risking their lives for
her safety. Her constant lack of consideration for certain people
(particularly her long-suffering dad) is getting exceedingly grating.
There were a number of moments in which I wanted to bite her neck
myself just to shut her up. The scene (spoiler) in which she punches
Jacob because he kissed her was the last straw for me - I hardly think
that that warrants a punch considering that he can't help being in love
with her, especially since, deep down, she loves him as well. The
little trout deserved to get her hand sprained. But no, he still
apologises, and not just for the kiss but for the fact that punching
him sprained her hand. How predictable and how pathetic.
Bella's love affair with Edward - previously of the "I would die for
you" calibre - is now peppered with so many inconsistencies that it's
losing its enjoyment value. For example, as we've learned in movies 1
and 2, Bella is so in love with Edward that she's a) willing to
overlook the fact that he's not human; b) willing to overlook the fact
that he's killed people; and c) give her own life to save his as she
did at the end of New Moon, but when he finally proposes marriage to
her she's hesitant? And the reason? Well apparently because she's still
young, being only 18. Funny, 'cause I would've thought that 18 is also
a young age to contemplate relinquishing your mortality in favour of
becoming a vampire for all eternity. But it's OK, because (another
spoiler) she eventually accepts; and in doing so, says, "I will bind
myself to you in every way humanly possible" - but when he addresses
her as Mrs. Cullen she suddenly tells him that she wants to keep her
own name? She'll sacrifice life and limb for him but not do THAT?
The cheesiness of this film was also a step up - everything is
cheapened to the level of a corny soap opera. They ALL deserve Razzis.
CONSTANT long silences, hard stares, and stupid dialogue. My sister
actually turned to me at one point during the movie and said, "Shades
of Wuthering Heights" because everything about this plot is so
exasperating. Why doesn't Edward stay mad at Bella after she kisses
Jacob? They have ONE discussion about it (actually it's not even a
discussion, just a series of comments) and then by the end of the movie
they're happily reunited without a single cross word. I would think
that kissing Jacob would put Edward's nose out of joint just a LITTLE,
considering that she's supposed to be his reason for living and future
You should also be prepared for the fact that, as is typical in most of
these cases, they try to shove far too much into the storyline.
Simplify, guys: if you're going to take a few minutes to explain
Rosalie's backstory to us to give us some more insight as to why she is
the way that she is, then leave James' backstory until the next movie.
The need to stop every once in a while to explain another supporting
character's history is exceedingly disruptive, and doesn't really bring
anything integral to the plot anyway (for example I found that I still
didn't give a rat's ass about Rosalie even after finding out what
happened to her). It just makes it longer, more tedious, and prone to
losing your attention.
Maybe I'm just not this movie's core demographic. It IS for tweenies
after all. But there's another problem: considering that this film is
supposed to be for tweenies, the violence is sometimes surprisingly
full-on. There's a scene involving a decapitation which I won't go into
the gruesome details of, but let's just say that it could easily
qualify as the "Holey s**t!" moment of the year. So even the movie
itself seems to forget who it's for. The special effects are impressive
of course, the visuals are creative and the direction is fine; but
scratch beneath this glossy surface and there's just too much
frustration at the hands of the script, the characters and their
actions to make this movie tolerable to sit through. And, because the
characters and their actions are the primary crux of this story, you
never get a minute's peace.
Quite simply, I am so OVER Twilight man. I'm done. That's it. Up until
this point I'd actually been quite enjoying the franchise, but the
abomination of this third installment has soured my interest so much
that...you know what? I'm going to go watch Little Ashes, because the
sight of Robert Pattinson making out with a guy is just what I need to
shoot dead anything that reminds me of this idiotic movie. Awful.