You May Not Kiss the Bride

2011

Action / Comedy / Crime / Romance

36
Rotten Tomatoes Audience - Spilled 33% · 500 ratings
IMDb Rating 5.4/10 10 7584 7.6K

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Plot summary

Bryan, an unassuming pet photographer has action and adventure thrust upon him when he is forced to wed Masha, a Croatian crime lord's daughter, and she is subsequently kidnapped while on their honeymoon in a tropical paradise.


Uploaded by: OTTO
March 15, 2014 at 06:04 AM

Director

Top cast

Mena Suvari as Tonya
Kathy Bates as Bryan's Mother
Rob Schneider as Ernesto
Tia Carrere as Lani
720p.BLU 1080p.BLU
754.90 MB
1280*720
English 2.0
PG-13
24.000 fps
1 hr 39 min
Seeds ...
1.44 GB
1920*1080
English 2.0
PG-13
24.000 fps
1 hr 39 min
Seeds 3

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by nogodnomasters 6 / 10

starsWHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY, EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD

Brian Lighthouse (Dave Annable) photographs pets in clothes for a living. His new assistant Tonya (Mena Suvari) is sexy, playful and is in love with Brian who for some reason avoids her advances. Through some poorly scripted circumstances Brian finds himself in a position where he must marry Masha (Katharine McPhee) the daughter of a crime boss (Ken Davitian) in order for her to obtain her green card. After a year, the marriage will be annulled and she will then marry the overly jealous Vinnie Jones. Dad and Vinnie forbid consummating the relationship, even as they honeymoon in Tahiti.

Brian's under utilized mom (Kathy Bates) offers little in the way of helpful advice as she is a stay at home mom. The poorly conceived plot drags along and then at about 45 minutes into the film, we get the twist and the movie becomes a watchable comedy, formula and all. This will work as a date night film and perhaps a teen family night. Mena "Kitten" Suvari steals all the scenes. Her part was written better than Katharine McPhee.

Parental Guide: No f-bombs, sex, or nudity. Some sexual double entendre.

Reviewed by SnoopyStyle 5 / 10

nothing funny

Bryan Lighthouse (Dave Annable) is a pet photographer in Chicago and Tonya (Mena Suvari) is his clingy assistant. He is taken by a Croatian mobster after an incident with his wife's cat. Bryan is forced to marry his daughter Masha Nikitin (Katharine McPhee) in a visa marriage. Brick (Vinnie Jones) is the gangster's henchman. Bryan's mother (Kathy Bates) actually tells him to marry her. The girl turns out to be nice and normal. INS agents are on the case. During their tropical honeymoon, they encounter the weird helicopter pilot Ernesto (Rob Schneider) and his cousin waitress Lani (Tia Carrere).

I have never heard of this movie. I'm surprised at the good cast. The extensive cast is not actually bad except for Schneider. By this point, he should come with a warning. Funny enough, he's probably the only true comedian of the bunch. Quite frankly, I can see this as an Adam Sandler movie with all of his gang. I have never heard of Rob Hedden. He seems to have been a Hollywood journeyman. The main issue is that non of this is actually funny. Annable and McPhee are not comedic powerhouses. At best, they're the straight men in a comedy. They need an actual comedian and Schneider is not close. Also I'm a little tired of Annable. This is not so bad that it becomes funny again. It's trying to be a fun silly comedy and it doesn't have that. On the other hand, Hawaii does look beautiful.

Reviewed by Prismark10 4 / 10

Away with the bride

A rather silly, uneven, flawed but appealing romantic comedy where pet photographer Bryan gets forced to marry a Croatian woman Masha, by her crime lord father so she can get fast tracked citizenship and make amends for injuring the family cat. Strangely Masha does not have much of a Croatian accent.

In order to convince the immigration service, they are sent off to honeymoon to Tahiti. Of course Bryan is told to keep his hands to himself as this is just a paper marriage and his father's henchman, Vinnie Jones has first tabs on Marsha. However Bryan is smitten with Marsha but she is kidnapped and a ransom is demanded. Bryan with some help tries to rescue her, but her family thinks he is involved in the kidnap.

The film has lots of flaws. Why does Marsha's father try to bribe the Immigration Service officials? Why does he want his daughter to marry Vinnie Jones when Marsha despises him. Why does Mena Suvari lust after Bryan and act like a stalker?

Its only the charms of the two leads and Tia Carrere that propels this uneven film. Rob Schneider does his unfunny shtick as if he is still in an Adam Sandler movie. There is some beautiful scenery as the film was shot in Hawaii, there are a few star cameos and its surprisingly sprightly despite the problems with the screenplay.

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